5 juin - This is not a haiku

This city has rejected me in so many different ways I cannot explain, and it fills me with anger that I can't express, so I just sit there. In the middle of the way home, on a bench. Letting the music get me to an emotional state, which one, I don't really know anymore. Should I scream, or laugh. Or just react with the least honnesty as possible, faking not a smile, but a nothingness, while all I think of are many many different plagues of that heart of mine.
I wish that everything I can think of, when I come back home, would vanish right at the corner of that empty street, filled with strangers. I am the ghost everyone keeps crossing by. "He must wait for someone". I am so patheticly waiting for a person to ask me what is wrong. And I know, that is a fantasy that can't happen, if I don't make it happen.

The clock in my room is bouncing its red light on my empty cellphone that no one would revive with a call or a text. No one needs anyone at ten thirty, a wednesday. No one, except you, when you need advice for first date clothing. And it kills me not to know who's going to be the next lucky guy.

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When all else fails
Focus on the good sides
Never fail yourself

This is not a haiku, it's how much I'm crazy about you. How amazed I am by the way you talk, that fashion of yours of always being serious and goofy at the same time, the look of understanding in your eyes.