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I don't think we've ever even touched each other. Whether it's a hand, or shoulders. We definitely talked, but never really, really like mature adults.
Most of the time, it was mainly like that.
And, you know... I don't feel angry about it, about that picture in particular, anymore. It used to annoy me that this kind of guy could go out with such a hottie, but then again, I haven't dated one at that time. I didn't know what it was. Now, maybe I can say, I could say, that I know what it feels... But not the afterwards. You know, the part when she becomes famous, and stuff, and I go like, yeah whatever man, but inside I'd feel completely like broken glass. Maybe, because it was with her, and not with you. And kill me now, God, oh god, please strike me now if she knows about
Again, it feels like this wedding's blues is still playing on me... It's like it follows me, at home, at work, in my tv shows...
I felt scared as shit that at my own, if it ever happens, I might joke to her about how the next ones will totally be cool or cooler, or how much I could get scared of marrying the wrong woman, so freaked out that I couldn't even tell my brother, nor my best friends, shit-pants-scared they would judge me... And then I'd be thinking to myself about me right now: "I'm not not dating by choice. I just don't get the attention from the girls I'd like to date, to know, to talk to."
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Oh god... and, there you are. And then we joke. Hey sis, hey broski. Sup. Sup. Oh you slept with L. cool. yeh, sex. Last night, you were at G's apartment? cool, cool. yeah, good thing i dont have an apartment, you'd totes be sleeping here all the time. Oh no, that's right, I HAVE, it's just that you don't feel this way... when it's only me. Because when heeee's here, now you're all... Oh, good, god. Why are you in my head this much...
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Why haven't we even shake hands, since the two years and half we know each other?
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I'll love no one, and let no one love me.
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JD
23, juin, 2013, 23h30
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