Stressed Eric

-So do you want to drink somethin', beer, cola? i say to my friend.
-Uh, no, no I'm okay. Maybe just a glass of water. Thanks.
-Good. Good... Is it okay if I drink? I mean, it won't bother you, right?
-No, man, it's okay.
-Good.. Good. So, hum, I'll just, uh, grab a beer, then.
-Alright, man. It's your home after all.
-Right, right.

I open the fridge, take one of the hundred bottles that stare at me, open it, and drink half of it.

-So, uh, when is she coming? I mean, what time is she supposed to come?
-She said... lemme check... Well, she wrote "around three".
-Good, good. Alright. Say, that's a cool phone you got there. Is it new, is it okay?
-Gee, man calm down. You look so tense.
-Do I look tense? Really? Jeez... Uh, I probably am tense. Do I look stressed out?
-Dude, I'm telling you: just chill the fuck out. It's alright.
-Yeah, I do believe I'm quite stressed. I should cool it, yes. Yes. But really, I mean, do I really look tense? I'm just gonna, uh, take another beer.
-Let go of the beer, man. Seriously, you're freaking me out.
-Yeah, maybe I shouldn't drink that much... I'll just take one last. For the luck, you know.
-Do you have a, uh, like a drinking problem?
-Do I look like a have a drinking problem? Oh God, I hope not, Jesus, fuck. I look like a mess, don't I? Oh God... Right, I'm just gonna put some music. Somethin' cool. Any preferences?
-I don't know... Got any classical music? Maybe some blues?
-Uh, lemme check... Nope sorry. Care for some electro dance? I've got this great Justice bootleg and..
-Jimbo. Stop that. Now. You don't need to stress me out too.
-Jeez, I'm so... I need a beer.

There goes an akward silence.

-Is this thing of "her, coming over" that's making you crap in your pants?
-What? No, absolutely not. I mean, I'm not that tense, am I? I mean, no, it doesn't have anything to do with her or anything. No, I'm, I'm, I'm... fine. I'm fine, yeah. Yeah, no I'm alright with this situation. Really. It's all, under control! Ha, ha.. Totally fine with this.
-... If you want, I can ask her not to come...
-No, no, no! Don't! I, I, I... It's cool, really. It's cool, I'm cool, you're cool, she's cool. Everybody's just... perfectly fine. It's cool. No, don't call her. I'll look like a total dumbass...
-... I won't tell it's from you, you know. You sure?
-Yeah. Totally sure. No call. It's... alright. Everything's fine. She'll come, we'll talk and have fun. It's easy. It'll be just great.
-Okay, man. You're the boss. Now chill the fuck out, for crying out loud. Sit down, and be cool with it, alright?
-Right. Right... Right. So, uh, do you want a beer?

.....ughh.....